Halloween: Resurrection

Earlier this year Revolution studios attempted a weak revival of the ‘Friday the 13th’ series with Jason X, having the hockey-masked killer formulaically machete his victims in space. Wes Craven gave his dream-invading clawed boogieman Freddy Krueger a new spin with Wes Craven’s New Nightmare. Even the demonic doll from Child’s Play had an entertainingly campy continuation in 1998’s Bride of Chucky. As for the colossally mute killing machine known as Michael Meyers, he’s been presumed dead since sister Larue Strode (Jamie Lee Curtis) decapitated the masked-murderer in 1998’s H20. For four years, it seemed that the Halloween series, after two decades, had finally come to an end. Unfortunately, that last movie made a profit for Dimension who in return gave the greenlight to Halloween: Resurrection, and it’s the same regurgitated straight-to-video junk that’s been released ever since John Carpenter gave life to the original in 1978. No new plot conceptions or environmental changes, just different bodies for sharp objects to rip through.

Then there’s Jamie Lee Curtis; as if it’s not nauseating enough watching her shamelessly narrate those mindless Voice Stream commercials, the company she’s apparently a spokeswoman for, seeing Curtis reprise the role of Laurie Strode is more embarrassing than Lorraine Gray signing on for Jaws: The Revenge. Laurie is gracelessly murdered in the opening scene, guaranteeing no one ever having to endure the horror of a wheelchair-bound senile Strode going toe-to-toe with her deranged brother. Needless to say, her few campy minutes on-screen were the movie’s highpoint. A lousy compliment when considering rapper Busta Rhymes is the lead actor.

The story for this eighth or ninth (who‘s counting?) installment deals with a flock of one-dimensional college students participating in the festivities of an experimental website, Dangertainment.com. To grab Halloween ratings, its host (Busta Rhymes, ‘yo) sets up an MTV’s Fear-like contest for our hopeful teens that entails spending the night in Michael Meyer’s abandoned childhood home, filled with cameras supplying net surfers a live video feed. If they succeed, which is fairly difficult since the friendly blade-wielding Meyers still roams the rusted house; all involved shall receive some heavy green.

Halloween: Resurrection evokes little to no scares, which for a horror movie is as bad a sign as a comedy without laughs. There are gallons of blood spilled, to pack those violence-loving kids in. Ever since 2000’s re-release of The Exorcist failed to frighten the younger crowds, who actually found both old and new footage ridiculous, studios lean towards gratuitous gore over effective thrills.

What is most upsetting about this disgrace to an already disgraced legacy is the lack of new material. At least most slasher-type sequels have ‘cool kills‘, meaning murders in stylish form. And you’d think director Rick Rosenthal would understand that rehashing previous material is not a wise decision, being as he was the man behind Halloween II. Give us Busta Rhymes engaged in a freestyle battle with Michael Meyers, something, anything but this by-the-numbers gore-fest. (Here‘s a sample of the lyrical combat that could‘ve been: “Aiyo / Bust a Bust has arrived / Michael / It’s time to hit the deck / Let’s call it a wrap so I can go and cash my check.”) Shaun Sages

GRADE: C-

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