Attack of the Clones

Labeled as the romantic chapter in George Lucas’ prequel trilogy, Star Wars - Episode II contains problems beyond nailing sentiments of love and unwarranted desire. Since it was shot against blue-screens using technologically advanced digital-video cameras, seeing Attack of the Clones displayed through a film projector is almost like watching a bootlegged cassette taped by a drunken baboon; it’s blurry and coated with dirt. The blurriness, in turn, causes the millions of dollars invested in computer generated effects to seem inconsequential.

Anyone who has had the privilege of viewing Lucas’ latest installment through a DLP processed digital projector will concur on how its crisp imagery allows for the hundreds of computer animated characters to look as tangible as any on-screen human. While the awe-inspiring aesthetics don’t compensate for Dawson’s Creek-like dialogue and enough computer animation to warrant a Nintendo joystick, it makes these complaints tolerable for 141 minutes.

Despite racking in over $400-million dollars, 1999’s monumental release of The Phantom Menace, the first Star Wars movie to hit theatres in 16 years, was split in opinions by critics and fans alike. Most of those who considered Episode I a disgrace to the legacy were annoyed by the antics of an infamous Gungan by the name of Jar-Jar Binks and the stiff performance by child-actor Jake Loyd playing a young Darth Vader. On the other hand, hardcore fans were able to excuse the Roger Rabbit/Dennis the Menace team due to a mind-blowing pod race and an equally astounding light-saber duel. In what now seems to be a common thread, those who advocated Episode I have plenty of reservations about Episode II, and visa-versa.

As a prelude to the upcoming Clone War, in which nearly all Jedis will perish, and as a showcase for Anakin Skywalker’s slow decent into the dark side, Episode II is mostly solid when not factoring in the corny love story. Then again, the audience has to survive an opening scene so ridiculous it makes Jar-Jar look like Jim Carrey: Once an aircraft carrying Senator Amidala (the former queen of Naboo, played by Natalie Portman) safely lands in the city of Courocent, a guard proudly shouts, “Guess I was wrong. There was no danger after all”, which is expectedly followed by a massive explosion. Although the beloved Senator is not injured (the explosion kills her decoy) our hope of viewing a good film is.

Apparently, somebody has been trying to assassinate Amidala for unknown reasons. Upon the suggestion of the Jedi council, an older-looking Obi-Wan Kinobi (Ewan McGregor) and his young apprentice Anakin Skywalker (Hayden Christensen) are dispatched to secure her safety. Meanwhile several planets are removing themselves from the Republic in an attempt to join the mysterious Count Dooku (Christopher Lee), a former Jedi and leader of the separatist movement. In reaction to yet another attempt on the senator’s life, where poisonous Matrix-like bugs are let loose in her room, Master Mace Windu (Samuel L. Jackson) and a computer animated Master Yoda (voice of Frank Oz) assign Anakin to escort Amidala, his secret crush, to her home planet of Naboo while Obi-Wan apprehends the culprit.

Considering Jedis are forbidden to fall in love, Anakin must hold back his feelings towards Amidala out of loyalty to the council. This emotional refrain would be a minor problem for any other Jedi, but for the man who is to become one of cinema’s most feared villains, it‘s no simple task. Too bad George Lucas didn’t hire a writer talented enough to start scenes off with dialogue better than “From the moment I’ve met you...”. Maybe then Anakin’s conflict of the heart would have been spicier than Han’s and Lea’s instead of lamer than a daytime soap opera. There’s even a scene where the two lovebirds express their concern over fleeing to Naboo incognito, in which Anakin says “Don’t worry, at least we have R2D2 with us”. The line gets both actors laughing, as though it were a genuinely funny joke, but one can’t help wonder if what they’re laughing at is the absurdity of their dialogue. -Shaun Sages

GRADE: C

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